Ruffnut's Damsel Trials
by Yalleo
Summary: Comedic short story in which Ruffnut is fed up with Fishlegs and Snotlout's advances, so she and Tuffnut have them go through a series of rigged challenges to rescue her from staged perils. Both of them fail the challenges and back off of her as the twins planned, but when Ruffnut becomes in real danger, they're exactly who she needs.


"Come back here, Big Boartha!" Tuffnut shouted, chasing down his boar on the loose.

After chasing her a while, he finally caught her, and brought her to his boar pen. As he was finishing up, he saw Ruffnut rushing over to him, looking upset.

"Hey Ruff, what's up?"

"Oh, not much. Except that Fishlegs and Snotlout have been chasing after me all week and won't leave me alone! They keep flirting with me, trying to give me things, and wanting me to be their girlfriend!"

"Those guys are so desperate." Tuffnut commented.

"Hey, what do you mean by that?!"

"Uh...desperate on time to get you to like them! Not desperate in that there's nobody else their age here!"

"I mean, they've had plenty of years to get to ask me out. But now that Astrid's with Hiccup, and Fishlegs fell out with Heather, they won't leave me alone!" So we need to find some way to prove to them they'd be horrible boyfriends."

"Hmm...I've got it!" Tuffnut proposed after barely thinking. "We make a bunch of challenges where you'll play a damsel in distress, and they have to rescue you!"

"That sounds stupid, and not in a good stupid way."

"But what if we rig them all so they'll fail each time? And when they see that they can't rescue you, they'll realize they're not good enough for you."

"Whoa, that's actually really smart! We've already tricked them countless times before, so this will be super easy!"

"Go find them then, so we can get this started. You'll be free from them in no time!"

"You do realize how easy finding them will be right?" Ruffnut said, pointing behind her and seeing them both rushing over.

"Aha! I found you!" Snotlout exclaimed.

"No, I found her! You just followed me!" Fishlegs objected.

"Guys, guys, I'm sure you're both super eager to have my sister as your girlfriend. But that can't be done unless you prove you're worthy!" Tuffnut said.

"That's right! Get ready for Ruffnut's Damsel Trials, a series of events where you have to rescue me from danger! Whoever rescues me the most gets to be my boyfriend!" Ruffnut explained.

"What a great idea! I can so rescue you better than Fishface could!"

"Oh yeah? I've already rescued her before! When the Dragon Hunters had her tied to a stake!"

"You mean Meatlug did! You didn't even know what you were doing down there!"

"Hey! Stop arguing. It's time that we find out which of you two can actually make sure I stay alive." Ruffnut interrupted. "You two stay here a minute while Tuffnut and I get ready for the first challenge."

After leaving Fishlegs and Snotlout, the twins found a large cliff.

"This is perfect! You'll jump off the cliff, and they'll fail to catch you! I just know they will." Tuffnut said.

"Knowing them, we won't have to worry about them succeeding. But a fall from here might hurt a little more than I would enjoy." Ruffnut pointed out.

"Good point. How about we have Barf and Belch hide down there? They're actually good at saving you."

"Yeah, that'll work. It's not like I'm Snotlout and they're Hookfang."

The twins instructed Snotlout and Fishlegs to wait at the base of the cliff for them, and Ruffnut looked down at them from up top.

"You guys ready?" she called down.

"Always ready to catch you, babe!" Snotlout shouted back.

"You can count on me!" Fishlegs yelled.

"Okay! Catch me when I say go! Ready, set.."

"Go!" Tuffnut yelled, pushing her off the cliff, and catching Snotlout and Fishlegs by surprise.

Snotlout moved to where Ruffnut was falling, holding up his hands.

"Move, Snotlout!" Fishlegs yelled, shoving him aside.

"No, you move! I was here first!" Snotlout tackled him to the ground, and they both began to fight, forgetting about Ruffnut. Barf and Belch sprung into action, catching her.

"Oh no, Ruffnut!" Both of them yelled, realizing they had been fighting for too long.

"I'm fine. No thanks to you two!" She yelled at them, sitting on Barf.

Tuffnut jumped off the cliff, landing on Belch.

"Wow guys. Focusing on each other more than Ruff? And you still think you're the one for her?"

"Yes!" Snotlout exclaimed. "Fish for brains here messed me up! I was ready to catch her!"

"Hey, no excuses. Guess you'll just have to try again in the next challenge." Ruffnut said.

The twins rose up into the air, then having thought of a great idea for what their next challenge would be.

* * *

After not too long of searching from the sky, the twins found Astrid, who was practicing her axe throwing. They quickly landed their dragon by her.

"Hiya Astrid, we have a favor to ask."

"Nope." she immediately replied.

"Come on, hear us out." Tuffnut said.

"Hey, I'm just being smart. Both of you know a favor from you two is never good."

"Oh yeah? What if I said this involves you beating up Snotlout with his permission?" Ruffnut said with a smirk.

Astrid looked straight at them. "Let's talk."

"All right, so we came up with the idea to have Ruffnut play a damsel in distress, and Snotlout and Fishlegs have to rescue her in a series of challenges." Tuffnut explained.

"That sounds stupid."

"You know, I said that at first, but then Tuff and I realized we could rig them all for them to fail, and then they'll finally leave me alone when they realize they're unable to rescue me from danger."

"Not bad. That's actually pretty clever for you guys to get them to chill out. So what's the part about me getting to beat up Snotlout?"

"You'll be playing a villain that captures me. And Fishlegs and Snotlout have to defeat you to rescue me."

"Heh, these challenges really are rigged. This should be fun. Let's go!" Astrid said enthusiastically.

Ruffnut and Astrid went to an arena, and Astrid brought in manacles. Instructing Ruffnut to hold her arms up, she chained her to the wall of the arena, helping her truly seem to be captured. Astrid then held up some cloths to Ruffnut.

"Wait, what are you doing with those?"

"Any good captor gags their captive so they can't shout for help, duh."

She pushed one of the cloths into her mouth and tied the other one around her head.

"Plus I'll take any free chance to have you be quiet." She quietly said to herself with a grin.

As Tuffnut brought in Snotlout and Fishlegs, Astrid readied herself with her axe in a battle pose in front of Ruffnut.

"What? We have to fight Astrid?" Fishlegs complained.

"Well yeah, if you can defeat her, any villain that's captured Ruffnut won't be a problem for you." Tuffnut explained.

"Look on the bright side, you both get a sword and a shield. I'll only have my axe." Astrid added.

Snotlout and Fishlegs each retrieved a sword and shield, and stood in front of Astrid.

"If anybody can do this, it's me. I'll be nice and tire her out for you, Fishface." Snotlout boasted.

Tuffnut announced for them to begin. Astrid immediately began to acrobatically jump around Snotlout, effectively intimidating him. He tried to hit at her with the side of his sword, but she dodged it with her nimble frame. Slipping beside him, she forcefully chopped his wrist, causing him to drop his shield. After she kicked it away, Snotlout defensively held up his sword, not wanting to be taken down in front of Ruffnut. He tried jabbing at Astrid's axe with the point of his sword, but she continually batted him away. She then grabbed him by the tunic, and slammed him to the ground. Jumping on his back, she pulled one arm behind him, and held her axe against the back of his neck.

"No! Ah! I can't move! Okay fine, I surrender! Let me go!"

Astrid released her grip on Snotlout, letting him get up. Snotlout saw Ruffnut and Tuffnut shaking their heads at him, and he scowled at each of them.

"Like any of you could defeat her!"

"Well, we're about to see if Fishlegs can!" Tuffnut announced.

"Oh, uh, Meatlug? Is that you calling, girl? Sorry, but my dragon needs me! Maybe next challenge, Ruffnut? I'm sure Astrid won't be too bad a captor!"

He rushed out of the arena, not wanting to suffer any injuries, even for the sake of Ruffnut. Snotlout shortly left as well, still embarrassed at being defeated. Tuffnut then went over to his sister, and pulled the gag out of her mouth.

"It's going good, sis." he said.

"Yeah, I think those guys are really going to remember their failures."

Astrid unlocked the shackles from her wrists, letting her lower her arms down.

"Well, that was fun. Don't hesitate to call for me again when you need someone for a good beat-down."

"Oh, we'll keep that in mind." Ruffnut snickered.

* * *

A little while later, the twins met up at the base of a large hill.

"Now for this one, we're going to have you tied up on the ground, while an apple cart is speeding down to you. Snotlout and Fishlegs have to get you untied before it runs you over. Something about this one feels so right for what we're going for." Tuffnut stated.

"So I'm thinking we make the ropes so tight they can't get them loose, and then I get to see them each get hit by a cart. Sounds great to me!" Ruffnut exclaimed.

Taking a lengthy coil of rope in his hands, Tuffnut began to wrap it around her.

"Ow! It's so tight!"

"Whoops! My bad."

"No, that's exactly what we want. Use more rope!"

After tying her from her shoulders to her waist, Tuffnut readied an apple cart at the top of the hill. Shortly after, he brought in Fishlegs and Snotlout again.

"Here's the deal. Each of you has to take a turn untying Ruffnut before that apple cart runs her over. And you can't use any weapons to free her. You won't always have sharp things with you!" Tuffnut explained.

"This sounds like the most cliche thing ever." Snotlout said. "But I'll definitely be able to rescue her in time."

"So would you like to go first?" Tuffnut asked.

"How about Fishlegs this time? So he doesn't chicken out again! I want to actually see him fail!"

"Hey! I know I can save her from this! Just you watch!" Fishlegs yelled.

Walking down the hill, he made his way to Ruffnut, still tied up on the ground.

"Hello, my fair lady. Your safety is ensured as long as I am here."

"Ugh." Ruffnut rolled her eyes.

"Ready, set, go!" Tuffnut yelled, shoving the cart down the hill.

Fishlegs immediately began to look over Ruffnut, looking for loose strands of rope to pull on. Choosing the loosest looking one, he began to pull on it. However, it wouldn't budge at all.

"What the? I can't get these ropes to loosen!"

"Well, you'd better figure something out quick." Ruffnut commented.

Fishlegs tried pulling once more, but his time had slipped away. The cart crashed into him, knocking him into the air over her, the girl laughing at his expense the whole time.

"That hurt so bad! I can't feel my back!"

"Guess you should have untied me in time, but oh wait, you didn't."

Tuffnut and Snotlout came down the hill, and Tuffnut retrieved the cart.

"Now it's your turn, Snotlout! Do you have what it takes to rescue her?"

"Of course I do! Let's do it!"

Back at the top of the hill, Tuffnut readied to push the cart again.

"Ready, set, go!" He yelled again.

Snotlout began randomly pulling on ropes, yet all of them were completely taut against Ruffnut's arms and chest.

"How did Tuffnut even manage this?" He complained.

Seeing the cart come closer, Snotlout desperately dropped down and tried biting the ropes.

"Hey, quit being so weird! Keep your gross mouth away from me!" Ruffnut protested.

Just as he was about to gnaw through one of the ropes, the cart crashed into his behind, earning extra laughter from Ruffnut.

"Oww! No! I almost had it!"

"Well guys, that was your third and final chances to prove you're capable of rescuing me. And since you're both clearly not, I hope you can understand why I can't have a relationship with either of you." Ruffnut said.

"It's a scientific fact or something. You're both completely incompatible with her!" Tuffnut exclaimed.

Snotlout and Fishlegs both looked at Ruffnut, and realized the twins were right. If they'd failed to rescue Ruffnut three times, what would stop them from rescuing her in a real situation? They realized she was better off without them. Both guys sulked off in failure.

"Well Tuff, that takes care of that. This turned out to actually be a good idea from you."

"Yeah! Who knew I'd be able to get them off your back with such a genius plan? I certainly didn't! Oh, I should probably untie you now."

"Nah, no rush. I kind of like the tightness of these ropes. It's like a nonstop hug!" Ruffnut said with a laugh.

"And people think I'm weird."

* * *

After spending the day flying together, Hiccup and Toothless were heading back to the ground. Since things had been going slow lately, they had decided to finally spend a day practicing tricks together, and spending time with just the two of them. As they were preparing to land, Toothless spotted Snotlout and Fishlegs, and the dragon could see them in a heated argument. He began to steer him and Hiccup towards them.

"What's up, bud? Oh, those two arguing. Good eye, we'd better go get them to stop."

The two landed by them, barely earning a glance as they yelled at each other.

"I so would have won those competitions if you weren't there to mess me up!" Snotlout exclaimed.

"What? You're saying me being there made Astrid defeat you? What a load of dung!" Fishlegs yelled back.

"At least I actually tried, you big wimp!"

"What in Thor's name are you two arguing about?" Hiccup asked.

"The twins' damsel in distress competition." Fishlegs replied. "It was my ultimate chance to prove I'm a perfect match for Ruffnut by rescuing her more than Snotlout."

"You mean it was my ultimate chance!"

"Uh, what exactly happened in this competition?"

"First Ruffnut was pushed off a cliff, and Barf and Belch caught her when Fishlegs messed me up and I was busy attacking him."

"And then Astrid was her captor and defeated Snotlout, so I intelligently forfeited on that challenge." Fishlegs said.

"And lastly when she was tied up on the ground with an apple cart rolling towards her, we couldn't get her untied!"

"The ropes were like indestructible!"

Hiccup just smiled at them. "I've got to go compliment the twins. They completely fooled you guys! What a brilliant plan to get you off of Ruffnut's back."

"Wait, what are you saying?" Fishlegs questioned.

"They rigged the competitions. I mean, it was pretty obvious when they had Astrid be a captor, but wow, they actually had a pretty good plan."

"You're right, Hiccup! No wonder Barf and Belch were completely ready to catch her." Fishlegs realized.

"And why they made the ropes so hard to untie. They planned for us to fail!" Snotlout added.

"Well, maybe you should learn something from this. Ruffnut went to a lot of trouble to convince you guys to stop going after her. It might be time to stop doing that."

Giving them something to think about, Hiccup and Toothless walked off, gesturing them a farewell.

"Well, this is even more embarrassing now." Fishlegs said.

"Yeah, I can't believe they fooled us like that."

The two guys reflected for a while on what happened, until they suddenly heard Ruffnut shouting.

"Fishlegs, Snotlout, I like really need your help over here!"

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Snotlout exclaimed.

"She still thinks she can make fools out of us?" Fishlegs wondered.

Both of them looked to where she was calling from, and saw that she had been cornered by an angry looking Monstrous Nightmare. They both walked over, completely casual about the problem.

"Save it Ruffnut, we already figured out you set the trials up for us to fail them." Snotlout stated.

"Okay, okay! But now I'm really in trouble! Please save me from this dragon!"

"So what's its name? And when did you and Tuffnut train it?" Fishlegs calmly asked.

"It's not trained! It's a wild dragon, that's about to burn me alive! Help me!" she yelled.

Fishlegs suddenly noticed the dark gray coloring on the dragon.

"Uh Snotlout, have you seen a gray Nightmare before?"

"Huh, no I haven't. Oh gods, it is a wild dragon!"

"HELP!" Ruffnut shouted, barely avoiding a blast of fire.

"I'll keep it distracted from her!" Fishlegs volunteered.

"And while you're doing that, I'll grab it by the horns!" Snotlout added.

After Fishlegs managed to get the Nightmare's attention, Snotlout snuck up and grabbed the dragon's horns, and pushed its head to the ground. It gradually began to calm down, completely forgetting that it was after Ruffnut. After letting go of the dragon, it then flew off.

"Hey, good distracting, Fishy!"

"And good work on calming the Nightmare down, Snotlout!"

"You guys! You saved me for real! You're not completely useless!" Ruffnut planted a quick kiss on both of their cheeks.

"Well, see you guys later. Thanks again for the rescue!"

Ruffnut headed off, leaving Snotlout and Fishlegs alone.

"Huh. She kissed both of us. Guess we both have a fair chance to be her boyfriend." Snotlout realized.

"I guess so. But we really should slow our advances down. She'll know when she might want to pick one of us."

"Only thing left to do now is to wait and see. However long that'll take."


End file.
